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This Issue has some news reports, plus, and some humor

Washington, D.C., More Deadly Than Iraq
The Washington press corps has begun its daily drumbeat over U.S. casualties in Iraq, with reporters citing "body count" statistics as
evidence that the Bush administration is "losing the peace."
And while even a single U.S. soldier's combat death is one too many, the truth is, more Americans are being killed daily in Washington, D.C., than in Baghdad.
Since President Bush told the nation on May 1 that major combat operations in Iraq had ended, 52 U.S. soldiers have been killed in hostilities,
according to statistics complied by Reuters on Thursday.
In the same period of time, however, 66 Americans were attacked and killed on Washington, D.C.'s mean streets, a city with a total population of 600,000.
To be sure, with just 148,000 soldiers on the ground in Iraq, the per capita danger for our GIs is significantly higher. Still, there were a
whopping 262 murders last year in the nation's capital, according to statistics compiled by SafeStreetsDC.com.
The press seems perfectly willing to tolerate D.C.'s daily body count without so much as a peep about the failure of local authorities to keep
the peace in America's most dangerous city

This is how they did it back in the days of wooden ships and iron men.

Some little known American military history
The U.S.S. Constitution (Old Ironsides) as a combat vessel carried 48,600 gallons of fresh water for her crew of 475 officers and men. This was sufficient to last six months of sustained operations at sea. She carried no evaporators (i.e. fresh water distillers!).
However, let it be noted that according to her log, "On July 27, 1798, the U.S.S. Constitution sailed from Boston with a full complement of 475 officers and men, 48,600 gallons of fresh water, 7,400 cannon shot, 11,600 pounds of black powder and 79,400 gallons of rum."
Her mission: "To destroy and harass English shipping." Making Jamaica on 6 October, she took on 826 pounds of flour and 68,300 gallons of rum. Then she headed for the Azores, arriving there 12 November. She provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and 64,300 gallons of Portuguese wine.
On 18 November, she set sail for England. In the ensuing days she defeated five British men-of-war and captured and scuttled 12 English merchantmen, salvaging only the rum aboard each.
By 26 January, her powder and shot were exhausted. Nevertheless, although  unarmed she made a night raid up the Firth of Clyde in Scotland. Her landing party captured a whisky distillery and transferred 40,000 gallons of single malt Scotch aboard by dawn. Then she headed home.
The U.S.S. Constitution arrived in Boston on 20 February, 1799, with no cannon shot, no food, no powder, no rum, no wine, no whisky and 38,600 gallons of stagnant water.



July 21, 2003
 BUSH DEPLOYS VOWELS TO BOSNIA: Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients
 Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday, President Bush announced U.S. plans to deploy over 75,000
vowels to the war-torn region of Bosnia. The deployment, the largest of its kind in American history, will provide
the region with the critically needed letters A,E,I,O and U, and is hoped to render countless Bosnian names more

ON TURNING 70 "You still chase women, but only downhill".
ON TURNING 80 "That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing."
ON TURNING 90 "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
ON TURNING 100 " I don't feel old. In fact I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap."
ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER,BOXING "I ruined my hands in the ring .... the referee kept stepping on them."
ON SAILORS "They spend the first six days of each week sowing their wild oats, then they go to church on Sunday and pray for crop failure."
ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR "Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'."
ON GOLF "Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees."
ON PRESIDENTS " I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six."
ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER " When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, 'Congratulations.You have an eight-pound ham'."
ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL "I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it."
ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY "Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother."
ON HIS SIX BROTHERS "That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.
ON HIS EARLY FAILURES " I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me."
ON GOING TO HEAVEN "I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality."
My Drug Problem
 I had a drug problem when I was young:
 I was drug to church on Sunday morning.
 I was drug to church for wedding and funerals.
 I was drug to family reunions no matter the weather.
 I was drug to the bus stop to go to school every weekday.
 I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults and teachers.
 I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents. Those drugs are still in my veins; and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, and think.
 Those drugs are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin, and if today's children had this kind of drug problem, America might be a better
 Older than Dirt

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the inappropriate behavior that was going on.
He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. When the angel returned, he told God,
"Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are not."
God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion."
So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time.
When that angel returned he went to God and said,
"Yes, it's true. The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are being good."
God was not pleased.
So while he was debating what to do about the 95%,
He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good to encourage them -- give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what that E-mail said?
Don't worry, Be happy ....... Bill Clinton didn't get one either.

Clinton's .............

Dear Mr. Ex President Clinton: 
I recently saw a bumper sticker that said, "Thank me, I voted for Clinton-Gore." So, I sat down and reflected on that, and I am sending my
"Thank you" for what you have done, specifically:
1. Thank you for introducing us to Jennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky, Dolly Kyle Browning, Kathleen Willey, and Juanita Broderick. Did I leave anyone out? 
2. Thank you for teaching my 8 year old about oral sex. I had really planned to wait until he was a little older to discuss it with him, but
    now he knows more about it than I did as a senior in college. 
3. Thank you for showing us that sexual harassment in the work place (especially the White House) and on the job is OK, and all you have to
   know    is what the meaning of "is" is. It really is great to know that certain sexual acts are not sex, and one person may have sex while the other one does NOT have sex. 
 4. Thank you for reintroducing the concept of impeachment to a new generation and demonstrating that the ridiculous plot of the movie "Wag
   the Dog" could be plausible after all. 
5. Thanks for making Jimmy Carter look competent, Gerald Ford look graceful, Richard Nixon look honest, Lyndon Johnson look truthful, and
   John Kennedy look moral. 
6. Thank you for the 73 House and Senate witnesses who have pled the 5th Amendment and 17 witnesses who have fled the country to avoid testifying about Democratic campaign fund raising. 
 7. Thank you, for the 19 charges, 8 convictions, and 4 imprisonment's from the Whitewater "mess" and the 55 criminal charges and 32 criminal convictions (so far) in the other "Clinton" scandals. 
8. Thanks also for reducing our military by half, "gutting" much of our foreign policy, and flying all over the world on "vacations" carefully
    disguised as necessary trips. 
 9 Thank you, also, for "finding" millions of dollars (I really didn't need it in the first place, and I can't think of a more deserving group
   of recipients for my hard-earned tax dollars) for all of your globe-trotting. I understand you, the family and your cronies have logged in   
   more time aboard Air Force One than any other administration. 
 10. Now that you've left the White House, thanks for the 140 pardons of convicted felons and indicted felons-in-exile. We will love to have them rejoin society. (Not to mention the scores you pardoned while Governor of Arkansas) 
 11. Thanks also for removing the White House silverware. I'm sure that Laura Bush didn't like the pattern anyway. Also, enjoy the housewarming gifts you've received from your "friends." 
 12. Thanks to you and your staff in the West Wing of the White House for vandalizing and destroying government property on the way out. I also appreciate removing all of that excess weight (China, silverware, linen, towels, ash trays, soap, pens, magnetic compass, flight manuals, etc.) out  of Air Force 1. The weight savings means burning less fuel, thus less tax dollars spent on jet fuel. Thank you! 
 13. And finally, please ensure that Hillary enjoys the $8 million dollar advance for her upcoming "tell-all" book and you, Bill, the $10 million advance for your memoirs. Who says crime doesn't pay! 
 14. The last and most important point - thank you for forcing Israel to let Mohammed Atta go free. Terrorist pilot Mohammed Atta blew up a bus in Israel in 1986. The Israelis captured, tried and imprisoned him. As part of the Oslo agreement with the Palestinians in 1993, Israel had to agree to release so-called "political prisoners". However, the Israelis would not release any with blood on their hands. The American President at the time, Bill Clinton, and his Secretary of State, Warren Christopher, "insisted"that all prisoners be released. Thus Mohammed Atta was freed and eventually thanked the US by flying an airplane into Tower One of the World TradeCenter. This was reported by many of the American TV networks at the time that the terrorists were first identified. It was censored in the US from all later reports. Why shouldn't Americans know the real truth?
What a guy!! 
If you agree that the American public must be made aware of these facts, pass this on. God bless America and THANK YOU (once again) for spending my taxes so wisely and frugally.
A US Citizen 
 PS. Please pass along a special thank you to Al Gore for "inventing"the Internet, without which I would not be able to send this wonderful,
factual e-mail.
Hillary Rodham Clinton, as a New York State Senator, now comes under the "Congressional Retirement and Staffing Plan," which means that even if she never gets reelected, she STILL receives her Congressional salary until she dies. (Would it not be nice if all Americans were pension eligible after only 4 years?) 
 If Bill outlives her, he then inherits HER salary until HE dies. He is already getting his Presidential salary until he dies. If Hillary outlives Bill, she also gets HIS salary until she dies. Guess who pays for that? 
 WE DO! 
 It's common knowledge that in order for her to establish NY residency, they purchased a million dollar-plus house in upscale Chappaqua, New York. Makes sense. They are entitled to Secret Service protection for life. Still makes sense. 
 Here is where it becomes interesting. Their mortgage payments hover at around $10,000 per month. BUT, an extra residence HAD to be built within the acreage to house the Secret Service agents. 
 The Clintons charge the Federal government $10,000 monthly rent for the use of that extra residence, which is just about equal to their mortgage payment. This means that we, the taxpayers, are paying the Clinton's salary, mortgage, transportation, safety and security, as well as the salaries for their 12 man staff -- and, this is all perfectly legal! 
Apple Juice"
Harold was an old man, he was sick, and he was in the hospital.
Anyway, there was this one young nurse that just drove him crazy. Every time she came in, she would talk to him like he was a little child.
She would say in a patronizing tone of voice, "And how are we doing this morning, or are we ready for a bath, or are we hungry?"
Old Harold had had enough of this particular nurse.
One day, Old Harold had received breakfast, and pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his bed side stand. He had been given a Urine Bottle to fill for testing. The juice was apple juice. So..... you know where the juice went.
Well, the nurse came in a little later and picked up the urine bottle. She looks at it. "My, but it seems we are a little cloudy today....."
At this, Old Harold snatched the bottle out of her hand, pops off the top, and drinks it down, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again, and maybe
I can filter it better this time."
The nurse fainted...... Old Harold just smiled......

Mouse Balls ........I don't know how they wrote this with a straight face.....
This apparently was a real memo sent out by a computer company to its employees in all seriousness. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite genuine.
(The word is that the engineers literally rolled on the floor! Especially note the last couple of sentences.)

Re: Replacement of Mouse Balls.
If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units).
Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.
Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse.
Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.
Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.
Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items. Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.

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