You see, my FUR keeps me warm.
Your sweaters only serve to insult me.


When I say "woof," I mean "I hate you."

If the choice is between prison and playing
dress up with you, I choose prison.

As if it wasn't hard enough being called
anorexic all the time; now you dress
me up as an old drunken hooker.


If you think I won't eat you when
you die, you're dead wrong.


Though I have provided all the evidence in
the world, perhaps I should take this time
to state a certain fact explicitly:
I am a dog. I am NOT a CHILD.

As you must be mentally off,
I'll cut you some slack.

If you wanted a bunny,
why didn't you just buy one?


Please remind me
why I'm supposed to love you.

I give you everything I have to give and
you still wish I was a Dalmatian.

I wish your husband took me
with him when he left.

If I had hands I'd strangle you.

What is wrong with you. Seriously.
Did you not get enough love as a child?
Is your world so completely devoid of
meaning that you think dressing
me as a flower is a form of care taking?
I hope the house gets burgled tonight.

Remember this moment
when I pee on your Persian rug tonight.

What am I wearing?
Am I a picnic table? A waitress?

I wonder how many of these I have to
slip into her water to end the torment.


Could someone out there
please have my owner put to sleep?

Very funny.
You come up with that yourself?

Look, I'm barely a dog.
I have enough identity issues without
you dressing me up as a cheetah.

Dang it. How am I going to get a girl
when I look like I'm being strangled
by a cartoon cat?

You are ruining what self-esteem I have left.

And I thought the bunny suit
was bad... What am I now?
A Doggiefly? Please stop. Please.

You're going to embalm me
when I'm dead, aren't you?
































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