"A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle"

I had always prided myself on being an "on time" person.  
One morning I overslept and rushed around getting ready for Sunday school.  
As I ran out the door, my husband tried to say something. 
"What?" I called back.  "Don't slow me down.  I'm late." 
"No you're not," he responded.  "It's Saturday." 


There are more churches in Las Vegas than Casinos.  
During Sunday services at the Offertory, some worshipers contribute 
Casino Chips as opposed to cash.  
Some are sharing their winnings - some are hoping to win.  
Since there are so many Casinos, the Catholic churches send all the 
chips into the diocese for sorting.  
Once sorted for the respective casino the chips belong to, one junior priest 
takes the chips and makes the rounds to the casinos turning chips into cash.  
And he is known as the chipmonk.  


Three friends from the local congregation were asked "When you're in your 
casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what 
would you like them to say?" 
Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a Fine 
spiritual leader, and a great family man.
"Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher 
and servant of God who made a huge difference in peoples lives." 
Don said: "I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!"


Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. 
Looking up, he asks the Lord....."God, what does a million years mean to you?" 
The Lord replies, "A minute." 
Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?" 
The Lord replies, "A penny." 
Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?" 
The Lord replies, "In a minute."

 
In a small village church. on any given Sunday, we may have six or seven 
faithful little ones who come with their parents for the whole church 
service. The pastor has a white bag which gets passed from child to child, 
making sure they get equal turns to put something in for him to talk about.  
Each Sunday, the pastor calls all the little children up to him and he opens
the bag to find a "surprise" on which he bases his children's sermon. 
Last week, the bag went home with a little guy who spends many hours a week 
on church related activities. His parents and older brother are very active and 
so, in turn, is he. When the pastor opened the bag, there was a copy of Handel's 
Messiah which was very appropriate for Easter Sunday. 
The pastor and the children had a lively discussion going on about the joy and 
happiness that music brings to the service. 
As he closed the little talk, the pastor said, " Yes, music is a wonderful part 
of our service. What would church be like if there was none?" 
Without skipping a beat, the little boy who had brought the music 
said, "About a half an hour!" 
Needless to say, everyone exploded into laughter which lasted for minutes.  
Finally, the pastor said, "There is no way I can top that so let's have a little 
prayer before you return to your seats." 


THE STUDENT
T-shirt with holes in it, jeans, and no shoes. 
This was literally his wardrobe for his entire four years of college.
He is brilliant. Kind of esoteric and very, very bright.  
He became a Christian while attending college. 
Across the street from the campus is a well-dressed, very conservative
church. They want to develop a ministry to the students but are not sure how
to go about it. One day Bill decides to go there.  He walks in with no shoes, 
jeans, his T-shirt, and wild hair. The service has already started and so Bill
starts down the aisle looking for a seat. The church is completely packed and 
he can't find a seat. By now, people are really looking a bit uncomfortable,
but no one says anything. Bill gets closer and closer and closer to the pulpit, 
and when he realizes there are no seats, he just squats down right on the carpet 
By now the people are really uptight, and the tension in the air is thick.  
About this time, the minister realizes that from way at the back of the church, 
a deacon is slowly making his way toward Bill. 
Now the deacon is in his eighties, has silver-gray hair, and a three-piece suit.  
A godly man, very elegant, very dignified, very courtly. He walks with a cane 
and, as he starts walking toward this boy, everyone is saying to themselves 
that you can't blame him for what he's going to do.  How can you expect a man
of his age and of his background to understand some college kid on the floor? 
It takes a long time for the man to reach the boy. The church is utterly silent 
except for the clicking of the man's cane. All eyes are focused on him.  
You can't even hear anyone breathing. The minister can't even preach the sermon
until the deacon does what he has to do. And now they see this elderly man drop 
his cane on the floor. With great difficulty, he lowers himself and sits down next
to Bill and worships with him so he won't be alone. 
Everyone chokes up with emotion. When the minister gains control, he says, 
"What I'm about to preach, you will never remember. 
What you have just seen, you will never forget." 
"Be careful how you live.  
You may be the only Bible some people will ever read".