This web site is a "Reference Desk" .... nice page http://www.refdesk.com/ A couple of other web pages that may be of some interest http://www.uwsp.edu/special/wseu584/Tribute%20to%209-11.htm http://www.sid-ss.net/911/not-burn.htm The Ten Commandments in simple language (1) Just one God. (2) Honor yer Ma & Pa. (3) No telling tales or gossipin'. (4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting. (5) Put nothin' before God. (6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal. (7) No killin'. (8) Watch yer mouth. (9) Don't take what ain't yers. (10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff. Think about this. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true. 1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for. 2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way. 3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you. 4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you. 5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep. 6. You mean the world to someone. 7. You are special and unique. 8. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you. 9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it. 10. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look. 11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks. Some Gems I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect to get it back. Half the people you know are below average. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. All those who believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my hand. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. OK, so what's the speed of dark? How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now. I intend to live forever -- so far, so good. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film! Grandparents (taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds) Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of her own. They like other people's. A grandfather is a man grandmother. Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the store and have lots of quarters for us. When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars. They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also Why we shouldn't step on "cracks." They don't say, "Hurry up." Usually grandmothers are fat, but not too fat to tie your shoes. They wear glasses and funny underwear. They can take their teeth and gums out. Grandparents don't have to be smart. They have to answer questions like "why isn't God married?" and "How come dogs chase cats?". When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again. Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television, because they are the only grown ups who like to spend time with us. They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time, and kiss us even when we've acted bad. Pass this along to another Grandparents. It will make their day SMILE as you read... WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton. WOMEN'S REVENGE "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him." UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider. MARRIAGE SEMINAR While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it? The rest of the story gets rather ugly so I'll stop right here. A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws." A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?" A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you! Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel, and hubby was losing his temper. "Be careful," he said to his wife. "You will bring out the beast in me." "So what?" his wife shot back. "Who is afraid of a mouse?" A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the Scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like Mother of Pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?" "This is Heaven, sir," the man answered. "Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked. "Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up." The man gestured, and the gate began to open. "Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked. "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets." The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog. After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road which led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside leaning against a tree and reading a book. "Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have any water?" "Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there." The man pointed to a place that couldn't be seen from outside the gate. "Come on in." "How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog. "There should be a bowl by the pump." They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree waiting for them. "What do you call this place?" the traveler asked. "This is Heaven," he answered "Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too." "Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's Hell." "Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?" "No. I can see how you might think so, but we're just happy that they screen out the folks who'll leave their best friends behind." Soooo... Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word, maybe this could explain: When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do? You forward jokes. Chapter 1: THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 50 1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. 2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 3. No one expects you to run a marathon 4. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 5. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. 6. Things you buy now won't wear out. 7. You can live without sex but not without glasses. 8. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. 9. You have a party and the neighbours don't even realize it. 10. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. 11. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. 12. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. 13. You can't remember who sent you this list. Chapter2: GAMES FOR WHEN YOU ARE OLDER 1. Sag, You're it. 2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy. 3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear. 4. Kick the bucket. 5 Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over. 6. Doc, Doc, Goose. 7. Simon says something incoherent. 8. Hide and go pee. 9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta. 10. Musical recliners. Chapter 3: SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE 1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale. 2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him. 3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them. 4. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest. 5. You change your underwear after every sneeze. 6. You're on so much estrogens that you take your Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendale's Chapter 4: SIGNS OF WEAR "OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!" "OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes, and you're barefoot. "OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door. "OLD" IS WHEN..... Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. "OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along. "OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police. "OLD" IS WHEN.... "Getting a little action" means I don't need totake any fibre today. "OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot. "OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee. If you're under 50, this may be amusing. If you're over 50, this is probably reality Someone assigned names to all these huge numbers and I guess an equivalent number of minus things too. For anyone interested in such stuff: One Ten 10 1st power Hundred 10 2nd power Thousand 10 3rd power Million 10 6th power Billion 10 9th power Trillion 10 12th power Quadrillion 10 15th power Quintillion 10 18th power Sextillion 10 21st power Septillion 10 24th power Octillion 10 27th power Nonillion 10 30th power Decillion 10 33rd power Undecillion 10 36th power Duodecillion 10 39th power Tredecillion 10 42nd power Quattordecillion 10 45th power Quindecillion 10 48th power Sexdecillion 10 51st power Septdecillion 10 54rd power Octdecillion 10 57th power Nondecillion 10 60th power Vigitillion 10 63th power Googol 10 100th power Centillion 10 300th power Googleplex 10 google power Actually there are things to be enumerated by using these large numbers but not too many since the mass of the sun is about 2 to the 30th power kg.