Is it just me or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington. Also, they track her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Look for the ACLU (American Cow Liberty Union) to change all that real soon. Cows have rights too, you know. Happy Birthday George ............ George's family Bible claims he was born February 11, 1732. see copy on web page at: http://gwpapers.virginia.edu/faq/bible.htm Q: Why is Washington's birthday celebrated on February 22 when he was born on February 11th? A: Feb. 11th was GW's birthday according to the Julian (Old Style) calendar, but in 1752, the corrections of the Gregorian (New Style) Calendar were adopted by England, Ireland, and the colonies, and GW's birthday became 22 Feb. [Donald Jackson and Dorothy Twohig, eds., The Diaries of George Washington, vol. VI, January 1790-December 1799 (Charlottesville, VA: University Press of Virginia, 1979) 282.] Under England's interpretation of the Julian Calendar the new year began on 25 Mar. Because the year under the Julian Calendar was 365 days 6 hours, by the sixteenth century a considerable surplus had accumulated, moving the vernal equinox from 21 to 11 Mar. The error was corrected in 1582 by the Gregorian Calendar (New Style), adopted by most European countries. By 1752, when Great Britain adopted the Gregorian Calendar, the displacement was 11 days.[Donald Jackson, ed., The Diaries of George Washington, vol. I, 1748-65 (Charlottesville, VA: University Press of Virginia, 1976) As Heritage Foundation scholar Matthew Spaulding reminds: "Although it was celebrated as early as 1778, and by the early 18th century was second only to the Fourth of July as a patriotic holiday, Congress did not officially recognize Washington's Birthday as a national holiday until 1870. The Monday Holiday Law in 1968 -- applied to executive branch departments and agencies by Richard Nixon's Executive Order 11582 in 1971--moved the holiday from February 22 to the third Monday in February. Section 6103 of Title 5, United States Code, currently designates that legal federal holiday as 'Washington's Birthday.' Contrary to popular opinion, no action by Congress or order by any President has changed 'Washington's Birthday' to 'President's Day'." The Federal statute and President Nixon's Executive Order identified the holiday as "Washington's Birthday". However, President Nixon also issued a separate proclamation declaring the holiday as "Presidents' Day" in 1971. But he was wrong, because the Executive Order had precedence over the proclamation. Consequently, even though President Nixon erroneously believed that a Presidential proclamation on the matter carried the same weight as an Executive Order. The holiday is Washington's Birthday --- Presidents' Day is a misnomer. While enjoying an Early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona café, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in the "good old days." Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, "Roy, aren't you and your bride celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?" "Yup, we sure are," Roy replied. "Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?" another man asked. The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, "For our 25th anniversary, I took Bea to Tucson. Maybe for our 50th, I'll go down there and get her." When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" Mom smiled and then replied....."I remember." USAir recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking, "What trip?" "Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir," the new employee replied. "Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you." This is a public service message for Women ......... to better understand her Man ............ Because I'm a man ......... Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia has set in. Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't, know where to start." We will then drink beer. Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem. Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys, cumin is a spice) Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together. Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator). Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask. Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too. Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't. Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now? Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2004, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest. SOUTHERN HUMOR: An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says to the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver says, "'Bout what?" Two Mississippians are walking toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. hen they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, whatcha got in th' bag?" "Jes' some chickens." "If I guesses how many they is, kin I have one?" "Shoot, if ya guesses right, I'll give you both of 'em!" "OK. Ummmmm....five?" An Alabamian came home and found his house on fire. He rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here - muh house is on fahr!" "OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?" "Shucks, don't you fellers still have those big red trucks?" Why do folks in Kentucky go to R-rated movies in groups of 18 or more? Because they heard 17 and under aren't admitted. Ida Mae passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911-operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive". The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" After a long pause, Bubba said, "How 'bout I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?" Know why they raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32? They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools. What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi? Documentaries Where was the toothbrush invented? Arkansas. If it were invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush. Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State Lottery? The winner gets $3 a year for a million years. A new law was recently passed in North Carolina so that when a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister. What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas and a hurricane in Florida have in common? No matter what, somebody's fixin' to lose a trailer. How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel? When you call the front desk and say "I've got a leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "Go ahead". DON’T ASK; DON’T TELL !!! A Husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself. "You know love" she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist, my rear end is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs and my arms are all flabby." She turns to her husband and says..... "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself." He thinks about it for a bit and then says, "Well......there's certainly nothing wrong with your eyesight."