URL for today ..... http://www.thestatenislandboys.com/

"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools." 

Christianity, if false is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance.  
The one thing it cannot be is moderately important.       C. S. Lewis

"Is this a bad idea? The folks at Sprint announced it is developing a TV cell phone. 
It will let you watch TV on your cell phone.
They have the perfect name for it: 'Nine Dead in Interstate Pileup.'" --Jay Leno 

"Do you know what you call people in Hollywood who've been married 
for 3 years? Divorced." --David Letterman 

"A new study found that sleep is essential to creativity. I'd just like to say that 
we have the most creative audience in all of television!" --Craig Kilborn 


During a phone conversation, my nephew mentioned that he was taking a 
psychology course at university. 
"Oh, great," I said, "Now you'll be analyzing everyone in the family." 
"No, no," he replied.  "I don't take abnormal psychology until next semester."  


Co-workers sympathized as my mother complained that her back 
was really sore from moving furniture. 
"Why didn't you wait till your husband got home?" someone asked. 
"I could have," my mother told the group," 
but the couch is easier to move if he's not on it." 


On a recent evening my family sat in a darkened theater waiting to see the latest hit 
movie.  As the screen lit up with a flashy ad for the theater's concession stand, we
noticed the sound was missing.  The unexpected silence continued for several moments.
Then, out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd demanded, 
"Okay, who's got the remote?"


While attending college, I worked evenings at a retail store.
On slow nights my co-worker Susan would often sing along with the radio 
while we did paperwork or restocked merchandise. 
One evening as the manager was leaving I expressed my concern to him 
about our safety, being two women working alone at night. 
"Oh, you'll be fine," he said, waving of his hand. 
If you see anybody who looks suspicious, just warn him that Susan knows karaoke." 


Quick Tips To Make Your Life Simpler   
Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names 
and addresses of people you don't know. 
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned too fast wipe 
whenever you leave your car parked illegally. 
No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt 
by simply peeling it off (Ouch) 


A woman was getting swamped with calls from strangers. 
The reason? A billing service had launched an 800 number that was identical
to hers. When she called to complain, she was told to get a new number. 
"I've had mine for twenty years," she pleaded. "Couldn't you change yours?" 
The company refused, so she said, "Fine. From now on, I'm going to tell
everyone who calls that their bill is paid in full." 
The company got a new number the next day. 


Many people assume that Earl Gray tea got its name by being the favorite of 
that English earl.  However, it seems that there is a small town in Wales named 
Earl Gray where the town's citizens are getting concerned about the ability of 
their mayor to continue in office. 
The incumbent was initially elected in 1972 and she has run unopposed in every 
election since.  Unfortunately, her age now hinders her from getting about.   
What the citizens are saying is that -- the Earl Gray mayor, she ain't what she used to be! 


An absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to 
remember his wife's birthday and their anniversary. He opened an account with 
a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to 
his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband." 
His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until next year, 
on their anniversary, when he came home, kissed his wife and said off-handedly, 
"Nice flowers, honey. Where'd you get them?"  


Chaos   
A woman was at home with her children when the telephone rang. In going to 
answer it, she tripped on a rug, grabbed for something to hold on to and seized 
the telephone table. It fell over with a crash, jarring the receiver off the hook. 
As it fell, it hit the family dog, which leaped up, howling and barking. 
The woman's three-year-old son, startled by this noise, broke into loud screams. 
The woman mumbled some colourful words. She finally managed to pick up 
the receiver and lift it to her ear, just in time to hear her husband's voice on the 
other end say, "Nobody's said hello yet, but I'm positive I have the right number." 
 

My husband wore his Army uniform with pride. 
One day, coming home from the base and dressed in olive drab fatigues, 
he stopped off at the grocery store to pick up a few things. 
While in line at the check out counter, he noticed a little boy standing with 
his Mother. The boy took one look at my husband in his uniform, and his 
eyes grew wide. My husband in turn gave the young man a crisp salute. 
The boy was so excited. He pointed at my husband and announced,
" LOOK , MOM, A GIANT BOY SCOUT." 


A young ventriloquist is touring the South and stops to entertain a bar 
in Arkansas. He's going through his usual stupid redneck jokes, when a 
big burly guy in the audience stands up and says 
"I've heard just about enough of your smartass hillbilly jokes; 
we ain't all stupid here in Arkansas." 
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the big guy pipes up 
"You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to the smartass little fella on your knee!"


Here's our trusty NBC camera crew, on the trail 
of heartwarming sports news for "Inside Stuff."
Today's topic: Young chicks cross the road.
Geraldo Rivera: Stay tuned as a panel of chickens reveals the shocking truth.
Andy Rooney: I could have said "Didja ever wonder why it is that the chicken 
crossed the road, and which road it was?" But I didn't.  I did ask some turkeys, 
however, and this is what they said...
Gene Siskel:  I don't know why it crossed the road, but I loved it.  Thumbs up!
Roger Ebert:  I disagree.  The whole thing left the audience wondering; the 
chicken's crossing the road was never clearly explained and the chicken didn't 
emote very well.  It couldn't even speak English!  Thumbs down!
Ed Sullivan: It was the talk of the town.
New York Times Editorial Board: She should be awarded the pullet surprise. 


The Monday Afternoon Club, an organization of wealthy city women, met and 
decided that this month's outing was to be at a dairy farm. Most of them had lived 
in the city all their lives, and had never seen such a thing. The day came, and the 
ladies filed into the rented bus which whisked them off to their destination. 
On the way, they watched out the windows as the city squalor turned into
lovely, unpolluted countryside.
After they arrived, they were greeted by the farmer who invited them to look him 
up should they have any questions. Myrtle, after looking about and being amazed
by what she saw, stepped into a building and viewed something she thought was 
quite remarkable. She saw the farmer walk by and hailed him--he sauntered in.
"Sir," she inquired, "Why doesn't this cow have any horns?"
The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone: 
"Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we 
keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young 'uns
by puttin' a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that 
stops 'em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. 
But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a horse."


Performance Review Terms
AVERAGE EMPLOYEE: Not too bright. 
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED: Made no major blunders - yet. 
ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks a lot. 
FAMILY IS ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Spouse drinks, too. 
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still one step ahead of the cops. 
ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: Opinionated. 
QUICK THINKING: Offers plausible excuses for mistakes. 
CAREFUL THINKER: Won't make a decision. 
TAKES PRIDE IN WORK: Conceited. 
PLANS FOR ADVANCEMENT: Buys drinks for all the boys in the office at happy hour. 
FORCEFUL: Argumentative. 
AGGRESSIVE: Obnoxious. 
USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS: Gets someone else to do it. 
A KEEN ANALYST: Thoroughly confused. 
EXPRESS THEMSELVES WELL: Speak English. 
CONSCIENTIOUS: Scared. 
METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAIL: A nit picker. 
HAS LEADERSHIP QUALITIES: Is tall or has a loud voice. 
EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGMENT: Lucky. 
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR: Knows a lot of dirty jokes. 
STRONG PRINCIPLES: Stubborn. 
CAREER MINDED: Back Stabber. 
COMING ALONG WELL: About to be let go. 
OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION: Gets to work on time. 
RELAXED ATTITUDE: Sleeps at desk. 
EXPERIENCED PROBLEM SOLVER: Screws up often. 
WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY: Too ugly to get a date. 
INDEPENDENT WORKER: Nobody knows what he/she does all day. 
FORWARD THINKING: Procrastinator. 
GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLS: Able to BS well. 
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS: Spends lots of time on phone. 
LOYAL: Can't get a job anywhere else. 


It takes less than a minute. Work this out as you read. 
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out! 
This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun. 
Go ahead 
1 . First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would 
like to eat chocolate. (more than once but less than 10) 
2. Multiply this number by 2 (Just to be bold) 
3. Add 5. (for Sunday) 
4. Multiply it by 50. 
5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1754. If you haven't, add 1753. 
6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born. 
You should have a three digit number. 
The first digit of this was your original number 
(i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week). 
The next two numbers are..........YOUR AGE! 

 
WAL-MART'S "HUSBAND STORE" 
A Wall-Mart store that sells husbands has just opened in Dallas, TX 
where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. 
Among the instructions at the entrance, is a description of how the store operates. 
There are only 6 floors. It states that the attributes of the men increase as the 
shopper ascends the flights. 
There is, however, a catch.... As you open the door to any floor you may 
choose any man from that floor,
but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. 
So, a woman goes to the Wal-Mart Husband Store to find a husband...... 
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: 
Floor 1 - These men have jobs. 
The second floor sign reads: 
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. 
The third floor sign reads: 
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking. 
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. 
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: 
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking 
and help with the housework. 
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" 
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, 
help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak. 
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: 
Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. 
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. 
Thank you for shopping Wall-Mart's Husband Store.
Watch your step as you exit the building - and have a nice day !